Every bereaved person, one way or another, must face their loved one’s possessions. Depending on the circumstances of the death this may be a monumental task, or it may be simply a case of packing a few gently worn clothes off to a worthy charity shop.

Either way, it is a difficult thing to accomplish. But it can help to remember that you are not getting rid of memories, or of your loved one. You are getting rid of things that are of no use to you and freeing up space that you could be enjoying.

Is it too soon after bereavement to sort out possessions?

Grief experts agree that there is no particular emotional benefit in doing this task early on. A grieving person can carry it out when they are ready. It may be within days of the death; or it might be within years. As the bereaved person you should be allowed to lead the process.

It’s often easier to sort through your loved one’s possessions with help, though. Friends and relatives might step in here. But you may prefer to get a professional de-clutterer, or someone trained in bereavement support.

With company you can talk through memories as they come up, and have your decisions confirmed. And a helper will keep you on track with the task, too – particularly if you only have them for a few days. And they may chip in with suggestions about organisations or individuals who will appreciate certain items.

How to classify possessions

A good way of proceeding is to classify the possessions. One possible system is:

• gifts
• items to sell
• donations
• keepsakes
• items to bin.

It can be easier to move items on if you know they are going to a good home. So have a recipient in mind for your donations. It could be a cause that meant a lot to your loved one, for example.

Note that keepsakes don’t have to stay in the same form forever. Over at The Grief Recovery Method, they share a lovely story about making a bear from a favourite shirt.

We share some ideas about what stored items to sell in a blogpost. If your loved one enjoyed a hobby or activity, get support from a club, society or specialist shop when you come to their equipment or their collection. An expert can tell you what is valuable, advise on insurance and guide you towards trustworthy valuers, buyers and dealers.

How storage can help with bereavement

But bereavement has no timetable. If this all seems too much at this stage, consider using storage to give yourself some space. Moving possessions out of your home can help you unlink them from your loved one. Then you can continue the work when you feel more ready.

Self-storage may seem like another administrative burden and yet another household cost. But consider it this way: A person’s possessions are better honoured in a good quality storage environment than they are cluttering your home or, even worse, getting spoiled in a leaky shed or a garage that fluctuates between freezing cold and baking hot.

You can rent (and insure) a storage unit for a few days or a year – as long as you like and as long as you need. Storage is relatively inexpensive, and there are ways of keeping your costs down, but you may find the cost will motivate you to deal with the possessions at the time that is right for you. And the act of storing items will encourage you to work out what you want to keep and what you want to move on.